Monopole
Bzangy Groink, Wednesday 14/9/2011
This is an album that is all about love. Old love, new love, remembered love, lost love.
When I was tidying around the house yesterday, I had a sudden memory of when she still lived here, still loved me. The memory itself was perfect, golden. The effect it had on me was like a punch in the throat.
This is what happens with love. We swim in it and we drown, we grow care- less and expect it to last forever. We forget what it’s like to be alone.
Then, when love has shattered or suffocated or evaporated, we forget love.
Not quickly, maybe, but it is inevitable.
Every day, I’m forgetting what it feels like to be loved. That happiness and that safety seem to me to be a dream now. Did it really happen? Did I imagine it? But look, it must have been real – I have these songs.
This forgetting is normal, it’s the only way we can cope with life unloved, with empty arms and a cold bed.
True love is so bright, so revealing. Even the memory of it blinds me and it’s only when it fades that I look around and realise how alone I am.
I am one half of a whole, a negative without a positive, a curious singularity.
Please don’t use the world ‘love’ when you mean ‘like.’ Please don’t wear it out and degrade it. It so much bigger than that, so warm and safe and brave and beautiful.
I remember.
